Forgive and Forget
by cursivenight
Summary: The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but never forget. Follow Lily's journey through figuring out what this exactly means. L/J, but mostly deals with Lily/Snape. Final Chapter: Wise.
1. Stupid

**Disclaimer**: If I owned/created Harry Potter I would be rich, a genius, and I would have written many companion books about the Marauders. Also Hermione/Ron would not have happened (sorry). Obviously Hermione/Ron DID happen, there aren't any Marauder companion books, I'm not a genius, and I'm not rich. So... I don't own, and didn't create Harry Potter. It belongs to JK Rowling. I do own this very long disclaimer however. Go me!

**Forgive and Forget**

**Chapter One: Stupid**

_**The stupid neither forgive nor forget;** the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but never forget. - Thomas Szasz_

I was eleven years old when I first met the boys that would become known as the Marauders. It was one of the first magical experiences of my life - that is, I met them abroad the Hogwarts Express. It was only my third foray into the magical world.

Aside from the various strange incidents that had occurred throughout my ten years and three hundred and sixty four days of life, my first magical experience was the arrival of a large tawny owl. This regal owl had carried a letter, a letter addressed to me. It had been from Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I was a witch. Me. I remember the feeling of shock, despite the fact Severus had informed me I was a witch years before. To have it confirmed by another party, however, was as exciting as it was a relief. I wasn't a freak. This magic stuff was real.

The second time I had really encountered the magical world was during my trip to Diagon Alley. The awestruck feeling, the complete wonder at the sight of so much magic and magical things. From Tom at the Leaky Cauldron to my wand to the money, it was all so completely (and wonderfully) flabbergasting. I think my mouth was open the entire trip.

Then, of course, it was time to go to Hogwarts. Instructions said to go to King's Cross Station, and to board the train at Platform 9 3/4, by eleven o'clock.

* * *

We reached King's Cross Station half an hour before the train left. My parents and I were slightly confused at how exactly to get onto Platform 9 3/4, but luckily we figured it out pretty quickly, thanks to the other wizarding families headed for the train. You just had to walk through a solid wall. Completely normal. I half expected to get injured. My walk sped up to a run as I headed toward the apparently solid brick with my trolley. I shut my eyes, braced for the impact, but felt nothing except a cool rush of air and the smell of ... wet dog, for some reason.

Opening my eyes, and wrinkling my nose slightly, I saw the platform. A sign hung to my left, indicating that this indeed was the right place. (Though, considering I had just walked through a wall, how could it not be?) It was bustling with parents, students, siblings, and animals. The train itself was regal and beautiful - a classic steam engine with '_The Hogwarts Express_' emblazoned on its hull.

My parents stepped beside me, looking as shocked and awed as I was feeling. My father's eyes filled with tears as he looked at me, but he smiled, and placed a hand on my shoulder. Together, we walked towards the train, with me pushing the trolley with my school trunk on it.

It was just my parents and I as my sister, Petunia, had refused to accompany us. She locked herself in her room, but not after shouting to me that I was a horrid freak. It had hurt. We had always fought, but it never been _that_ bad before. I never thought she truly hated me, until now. Severus had assured me she was just jealous, and would get over it. My parents said she was just going to miss me, and was therefore pushing me away. I wasn't so sure.

I shook my head to clear it as the three of us continued to make our way to the mode of transportation that would take me to my new home. The place that would teach me magic. I turned over that word, magic, repeating it in my head. I still couldn't believe that this wasn't a dream!

A loud bang drew me out of my own thoughts (I got lost in them quite often). I looked to see where the noise had come from and saw a messy-haired boy being admonished by an older woman, presumably his mother. She was brandishing her wand at him, her other hand holding a smoking object. I smiled, and turned my attention to my other surroundings.

I noted once again that the platform was absolutely chaotic. Everywhere there were families saying goodbye. Older students offered a quick hug or handshake, while younger students clung to their parents. There were owls, cats, and toads everywhere. People were rushing around, trying to load trunks or brandishing forgotten or dropped items. School chums were meeting up, already exchanging summer stories. I smiled more broadly. This was now my world, and it was fantastic.

I turned to face my parents as we halted near one of the doors to the train. They looked proud, if sad. I looked at them, suddenly feeling teary myself, and launched myself at both of them. They enveloped me in a giant hug, and my mother patted my hair.

"Now, Lily," My mother said, looking down at me, "Do take care of yourself, and don't forget to write us."

I nodded, unable to speak, and gave her another hug.

"Tell - Tell Tuney I love her and will miss her." I managed to get out past the lump in my throat. My parents exchanged a quick glance.

"Of course we will. She's just mad, but she'll get over it once she realizes how much she misses you." My father replied, patting my arm. I nodded, but disagreed with his prediction.

"I love you guys." I whispered, and hugged them both once again. Looking into my parent's eyes after I was released, I suddenly felt reassured. They were on my side. They were proud of me. I wasn't a freak to them - I was simply their daughter, Lily Evans, who happened to be unique, special and magical. I knew I could take on whatever came next.

The newly gained feeling of self-assurance kept my apprehension to a minimum as my father helped me lift my trunk onto the train. I gave them both one more hug, and promised to write. I waved, then turned around and lugged my trunk through the train, looking for a place to sit.

After looking into a few full compartments, I finally found one I could sit in, though it wasn't empty. There was a boy who looked about my age already occupying it, though he was the only one in there. His head was buried in a book, and I immediately took a liking to him. I knocked on the compartment door, and his head shot up in surprise. He was skinny, with sandy hair and blue eyes. My biggest impression of the boy was that his eyes looked much older than his body. He also looked quite tired.

However, despite the bags under his eyes, he got up at once and opened the compartment door for me. I smiled at him, and asked if I could join him. He nodded, and smiled nervously back.

He helped me drag my trunk in and place it in the rack. A true gentleman.

"I'm Lily Evans," I introduced myself, sticking my hand out as my manners kicked in, "Thanks for helping me. I'm a first year."

"Remus Lupin," The boy said, taking my hand and shaking it slightly. "It was no problem. I'm a first year too."

We sat, and I inquired to as what book he was reading. He grabbed it and showed me the title. It was one of our textbooks, _A History of Magic_ by Bathilda Bagshot.

"It's kind of nerdy, I know, to read your school books before class, but I like to read." Remus shrugged, giving me a slightly lopsided grin. I returned his smile eagerly.

"It's okay. I've already read most of mine. So we can both be nerdy." I teased, as I sat down and pulled out a book, showed him, and grinned again. It was immensely reassuring to find a fellow book-lover.

We sat down, and Remus returned to his book. I knew how he felt - it's hard to put a good book down, even for conversation. He also seemed a little nervous around me. I looked out the window onto the platform for a while, until I spotted my family. I opened the window, and stuck my head and one of my hands out, waving it. After a few seconds, my parents spotted me, and returned my sentiment, grinning.

The sound of the compartment door opening drew both my and Remus' attention. I whipped around from my position of half-hanging out the window, nearly whacking my head.

"Severus!" I exclaimed as I ran to him and hugged him in my excitement, laughing as I did so.

"Hey Lily! Mind if I sit with you?" He asked happily, smiling widely at me. I nodded then remembered I wasn't the only person in the compartment and glanced at Remus. The blue-eyed boy smiled in assent, and I verbally assured Severus that he was welcome to join us.

Severus was dressed in all dark colours. His black hair was messy, clearly uncombed, though it was clean. I helped him shove his trunk into its spot, and we both wiped our brows, laughing as we realized we were mirroring each other.

"Hi, I'm Remus Lupin," Remus said after Snape and I had finished. Severus turned to him abruptly, all traces of humour removed from his face. It was as if he had just remembered that there was someone else in the compartment.

"Severus Snape." He replied to Remus' friendly greeting suspiciously, as he sat directly across from me, by the window. I didn't understand why he was being so unfriendly. Perhaps he was just shy? Before I could properly figure it out, though, Severus turned to me and cheerfully asked about the rest of my summer. Remus returned to his book.

I was just finishing complaining to Severus about my sister when the compartment door slid open once again. Three boys stood in the doorway. The one in front was tall, but stick-skinny, with glasses, hazel eyes, and extremely messy black hair. The second boy beside him was a little shorter, but less scrawny, and also had dark hair, though his was neater and longer. The third boy stood behind them, looking kind of lost. He was shorter than the other two boys, and slightly chubby.

"Mind if we sit here? All the other compartments are full." The messy-haired boy with glasses asked, already moving into the compartment without waiting for an answer.

"Though why those fourth-year girls wouldn't want to sit with guys like us - especially me - just doesn't make sense." The second boy grinned, eyes sparkling as he yanked his trunk through the doorway and put it on the rack.

"Um, I guess it's okay." I answered belatedly. It was kind of rude the way they had barged in, but I was a little bit in awe of them. I'd never seen such a confident pair.

The third, pudgy boy barely squeaked through the compartment door before it slammed shut. He was clearly following the first two - the way he looked at them with admiration explained it all. He obviously looked up to them.

I turned my gaze from the third boy to the second boy, who had obnoxiously sprawled himself in between Remus and Severus. Remus looked amused, and shut his book as he was jostled, while Severus looked angry as he was nearly kicked. He shot the newcomers all dirty looks in turn.

"Sorry," The second boy said, straightening himself up into a proper sitting position. "The name is Sirius Black."

"I'm James Potter." The messy-haired, optically impaired boy said as he sat next to me. He grinned at me, and I smiled back automatically.

"I'm Lily Evans," I replied, sticking my hand out for a handshake. I felt kind of silly as James looked at me weirdly, obviously thinking my presence of such manners a little strange, but he shook my hand anyways. I immediately looked down at my lap afterward, for some reason feeling embarrassed.

"Remus Lupin." Remus said, his eyes warm as he glanced at the three boys. His book was grabbed by Sirius, who looked appalled as he read the title.

"Remus, my new friend, reading is something I normally abhor, but reading a school book?" Sirius gasped in mock horror, using quite a sophisticated word for an apparent non-reader. He collapsed, sprawling himself out once again as he half fell out of his seat. Severus scowled. The rest of us laughed, while Remus plucked the book out of Sirius' hands.

"Alright, I don't want you to die or anything. I'll put the book away, just for your sake." Remus assured Sirius, quite sarcastically. He did indeed place the book carefully in his bag, then shot a smirk at the boy who was now quite on the floor.

"Excellent." Sirius said, clambering up back into his seat and placing an arm around Severus' shoulders. "Now who might you be?"

"Severus Snape." Severus answered, scowling as he ducked out from underneath Sirius' arm. I was a little surprised at how unfriendly he was being, but I was distracted by James suddenly whispering in my ear.

"Is he always so grumpy?" James breathed as his arm went around my shoulder. I squirmed a little, and let out a 'no' that only he could hear. James, after wiping his forehead with the arm not around me in sarcastic relief, snickered, and removed his arm from around my shoulders. I giggled throughout this exchange.

"By the way, this is Peter Pettigrew, since he's apparently not going to introduce himself." James stated, cocking his head towards the pudgy third boy who was sitting next to him, across from Remus. Peter smiled nervously, and raised his hand in a half-wave.

"Nice to meet you Peter. And you too, James and Sirius." I said, beaming at them all in turn. I heard Severus let out a huffy breath, and I looked at him. He did not seem very happy.

"So, Lily, you were telling me about your summer?" Severus asked pointedly, leaning towards me. I smiled.

"Right, sorry. Other than the whole Petunia thing -"

"You two know each other outside of school?" James interjected, effectively interrupting the conversation.

I nodded. "Yeah, Severus lives by me. We met one day after -" I stopped, wondering how to explain the spying in a non-insulting way.

"I saw her do magic." Severus continued my sentence for me, without a trace of uncertainty. He had always been a better liar than me. Actually, I just sucked at lying in general. Anyone was better than me.

"You're muggleborn then? I mean your parents can't do magic?" Sirius asked, excitedly. I was a little taken aback.

"Um, yes." I said uncertainly, and then I was swamped with questions from Sirius. He asked me so many at once I couldn't formulate a response for one before I forgot what I was going to answer.

James laughed at his friend and turned to me.

"He's a pureblood, like me. That means both our parents are magical. Sirius' parents are kind of the prejudiced type though. They don't like Muggles much, for whatever reason. So, in true rebellious nature, he loves them. Muggles, I mean." James explained, hazel eyes twinkling in laughter. I giggled along with him, with Sirius still spouting off his queries in the background.

"If you would stop interrupting our conversation and maybe pick up a book," Severus burst out angrily, "Maybe you would find things out without driving the rest of us mad."

My eyes shot to Severus, a little shocked at his sudden eruption. He had driven the entire pleasant feeling in the atmosphere of the compartment away. Why was he so angry at these boys? Sirius did shut up, but both he and James were glaring at Severus. I gulped nervously.

"Right, sorry. Severus. Sirius I can send home for a few muggle books that will tell you all about the muggle world - way better than I can. I mean, I know things are there, but I don't know how they work -"

"It's okay, Lily, thanks. We can talk later. For now, we'll let you return to your precious conversation." Sirius said, starting out talking to me, but by the final few words he was scowling at Severus. He was clearly showing that the hostility he felt only encompassed my childhood friend, not me. That made me feel better, but still uncomfortable. I shot the Sirius a half-smile in acknowledgement, and turned back to Severus.

"Uh, anyways, Severus, that was pretty much my summer. How was yours?" I asked, trying to sound normal. Before Severus could respond however, he was interrupted yet again - but this time it was by the train beginning to leave the station.

I jumped up immediately and shoved my torso out the window, waving and calling to my parents. I had been so distracted by the newcomers that I had forgotten that we were even on a train! James, Peter and Remus joined me, but the other two stayed seated. Severus scowled as James accidentally jostled him.

As we finally lost sight of the station, those standing all sat down again, breathless but happy. I felt a little bad for Severus and Sirius, who obviously felt they had no one to say goodbye to. I kept my eyes on the landscape flashing past in the window, thinking about this and my own family and what was to come until the others started to speak.

"This is going to be awesome." Sirius remarked, dark eyes glittering. "No parents, no brother... I just hope I don't get..." He trailed off, the excitement suddenly fading from his eyes.

"Hope you don't get what?" Remus inquired, seeming truly curious.

Sirius stayed silent for a moment, but with all eyes in the compartment on him, he sighed theatrically and elaborated.

"My whole family has been in Slytherin. And I definitely do not want to be."

"What's wrong with Slytherin?" Severus demanded. Nodding, I displayed my agreement, though with less vehemence. Severus had explained the Houses to me, and had made it clear that Slytherin was by far the best. I was surprised to hear these boys thought otherwise.

"Only that every wizard who's ever been bad has been in that house!" James retorted, sounding slightly outraged. I was shocked, and immediately believed those statistics to be wrong. Every bad wizard couldn't have been from the same house - that was preposterous. Still, I shot Severus a look. He either did not notice or refused to acknowledge it. He was too busy glaring at the boy beside me.

"I'm sure you can get into another House." Remus reassured Sirius, ignoring Severus and James' exchange.

"Gryffindor is the best." James added eagerly. Severus snorted in derision.

"What? It is!" James insisted, whipping his head round to glare at Severus.

"Wait! Wait! How do you get sorted?" I questioned, suddenly feeling frantic. Severus had not told me exactly how you were sorted, only that you would be. He had admitted he didn't know. Suddenly that lack of knowledge was terrifying. I felt ill-prepared and nervous, and needed to rectify that immediately.

Before I completely lost my mind, I realized that the others were laughing at me. Well, to be fair Remus was simply smiling, and Peter was only giving a tentative upturn of his lips. Severus wasn't showing any emotion. If anything, he still looked a little bitter.

"Well?" I demanded, trying to stop myself from throttling the boys in annoyance.

"You put on a hat." Remus explained. "You put on a hat and it tells you what house you go in. At least that's what my parents told me."

"Oh." I sat back in my seat and relaxed my tense posture. James snickered next to me, and I shot him a glare, and desperately sought a way to distract them from my ignorance. "Well what house do you guys want to be in then?"

"Gryffindor!" James and Sirius exclaimed. Remus shrugged, stating he didn't really care, he was just happy to be at Hogwarts - a sentiment I was in complete agreement with. Peter squeaked out a 'Gryffindor' while glancing in obvious adoration at Sirius and James.

"Slytherin." Severus announced proudly, much to the shock of the other inhabitants of the compartment.

"Slytherin?" Sirius shrieked wildly. "Why on earth would you want to be in that house? Thinking it's 'alright' is one thing, but actually wanting to be in it?"

"It's where the truly intelligent people go. They aren't caught up in themselves, like they are in Gryffindor," He spoke with a pointed look to James and Sirius, "They're more than just book smart, like in Ravenclaw, and they aren't lame, like Hufflepuff."

His speech was met by two glares, obviously from Sirius and James. Peter quickly copied their looks of disproval. Even Remus looked a little taken aback, though he quickly cleared the slightly shocked expression from his face.

"Well, according to my knowledge, Gryffindor values courage, bravery, chivalry, and loyalty. Ravenclaw is for the smart, creative, and those who really want nothing more than to learn. Slytherin is for those with ambition, cunning, leadership, resourcefulness - and generally, you have to have pure blood. Hufflepuff likes those who are tolerant, loyal, and hard working." Remus spoke calmly, obviously trying to diffuse the hostile air of the compartment. I listened carefully, but was at a loss as to which House I would belong in. I was guessing Ravenclaw - I really loved to learn and to read. I had been reading since before my first day of primary school.

"Which house do you want to be in Lily?" Remus asked desperately, seeing his explanation had not softened the tensions.

I thought for a moment. Up until that moment, I would have immediately said Slytherin, but now, based on the descriptions from Remus and his, James, and Sirius' reactions, I wasn't entirely sure. It was different from what Severus had explained to me, yet I inexplicably trusted Remus' knowledge better. Maybe it was just because he seemed more well-read.

"Um, I'm not sure. None of them sound bad at all. I'll probably be in Ravenclaw. I'm a big reader." I finally responded, trying to ignore the hurt look on Severus' face by smiling at Remus.

"I bet you'll be the smartest witch in our year." James commented out of nowhere. It caught me completely off guard.

"Er, uh, thanks." I stuttered, blushing.

Severus made a sound of displeasure, and I shot him a reassuring smile. The corners of his mouth upturned just slightly.

"So, uh, how was your summer, again?" I asked Severus, still trying to regain myself after James' unexpected compliment.

"It was alright. The best part was meeting up in Diagon Alley with you. And the last time we made fun of your muggle sister." Severus laughed, reminiscing. I didn't laugh with him, just smiled weakly, as I felt a little guilty about that. The teasing, that is. I had half-heartedly protested Severus' plan, but failed to convince him not to carry it out. In all honesty I hadn't tried that hard. My sister drove me crazy, and it had been worse since my letter came. But when she had ended up crying, I had felt terrible.

"You know, she was really mad at me after that incident," I said, seriously, "It just made things worse. We should maybe be a little nicer next year. It's not her fault she's not a witch. She's just sad she's losing me."

The last bit I tacked on as I remembered my father's words from the train station.

Severus shrugged. "Yeah, well it's not your fault that you are one. Come on, she gets so mad! It's so funny. And she can't do anything about it because she's scared we'll use magic on her!"

"But we can't." I reminded him. "You told me that they had these tracing things on us and if we did magic outside of school we got in trouble."

"Yeah, but she doesn't know that!" Severus replied, still smiling. "Over Christmas I have a great idea -"

"That's kind of mean." James cut in. "Teasing a muggle and using magic to scare her, I mean."

I instantly felt sick. Looking at the other's faces made me feel even worse - they clearly agreed with James.

"Oh, no, James, it's not like that at all. I never intentionally scared her, not at all! It was just my normal teasing like I did way before I knew I was a witch!" I insisted, feeling wretched.

"Her sister was mean anyways. She deserved it." Severus added, his voice cold. "Besides, she hated me. She always told Lily I was a freak who spied on them."

"Did you?" James shot back, just as coldly, staring at Snape with obvious dislike. Suddenly I felt this was more a judgement of Severus than me. Despite myself, I felt a little relieved. I was such a horrible person.

Severus stayed silent, opting to simply kill James with his eyes. It was clear there would be no friendship blossoming there.

"You know what, Lily? I think we're not really welcome here. Let's go." Severus spoke as he stood, and he looked at me expectantly. I froze, and felt torn. I didn't want to leave, but I didn't want Severus to feel uncomfortable. It was just a little misunderstanding though, could it not be resolved?

"Oh no, Snape," Sirius sneered, "You're the only one no longer welcome. Have fun in Slytherin. Be sure to say hello to my cousin, she enjoys lording magic over Muggles just like you."

I was temporarily at a loss for words.

"It - It wasn't like that, I swear! He didn't - I didn't -" I squeaked out, feeling near tears. I wrestled with my emotions, trying to deal with this maturely.

"Guys come on, it's obvious Lily wouldn't do that." Remus said, trying to calm them down. I noticed he did not include Severus.

"We know she wouldn't." James said, also catching the absence of Severus' name from Remus' speech, and adding his own emphasis in the exclusion.

"Severus is plenty nice! He wouldn't do that either! And how would you know I wouldn't - I mean, of course I wouldn't, but - you don't even know me!" I snapped at them. They stared at me, shocked. Silence blanketed the compartment, and I willed myself not to cry.

"Come on Lily." Severus tugged on my arm, and I stood up, suddenly feeling uncertain.

"Like we said, Lily, you're welcome to stay. But he's not." James declared, shooting Severus a dirty look.

I teetered on my feet, deciding. I was angry at them for judging Severus (and possibly me), but they had been so nice up until that point. How was this fair?

"We were here first!" Severus argued angrily, facing James. The latter simply shrugged, and glanced at Sirius.

"We're not moving." Sirius said, with such finality that annoyed me. "We don't allow scum here."

Sirius' last comment outraged me. How fair was it for him to judge? He didn't even know what happened! Severus was just shy, that's the only reason he was being hostile.

I hastily made my choice.

"We'll leave." I stated coldly. "You're making a big deal about nothing. Severus never meant that. He would never do that." I added, looking between the skeptical faces of Sirius and James.

James shrugged again.

"Sorry. We don't tolerate people like him." James replied, indicating Severus. He then shot another glance to Sirius.

"That's not even fair!" I raged, feeling let down even as my anger bubbled up.

"Neither was he." James pointed out, and I was so angry I was at a loss of words for a few seconds.

"You don't even know what happened! You have no right to judge! I'm sure none of you are perfect!"

"Then stay and explain your side, and maybe we'll reconsider our opinion of 'Snivellous.'" James responded, smirking infuriatingly at me.

"Nice one, mate." Sirius laughed. It was almost cruel how this situation had turned from good into horrible in such a short time. I couldn't take it any longer. I did not want to cry in front of these boys.

I turned and stormed out, yanking Severus with me.

"And I thought they were nice!" I raged as Severus and I walked quickly down the train's corridor. It took all my might to not cry, but I succeeded. I was eleven. I couldn't cry anymore.

I did not miss Severus' look of contempt he threw over his shoulder towards the compartment we had recently vacated, even as I longed to return.

I never forgot that day. I held it against James and Sirius for years. It even took me time to be able to be friends with Remus, despite our obvious compatibility. Peter I was always nice to, mainly because I felt sorry for him, for whatever reason. He hadn't really participated in the bashing of Severus either.

Every time the group of them did something to annoy me or somehow broke the rules, it was added to my list of grievances against them. I especially couldn't stand James, who had made it his personal mission to annoy me to death - or so I thought. He asked me out every day starting sometime in second or third year. At first, whenever I saw him I had felt bad for my behaviour, as well as Severus', but soon that remorse was obstructed by my annoyance and anger. Plus Severus did not regret anything, and frequently told me what a bullet we had dodged.

I blamed James. In my eyes, it was his fault that we were all not friends. For a long time, I thought it was his fault that Severus shoved everyone but me away, and started hanging out with the darker crowd.

I never forgot that incident, nor forgave it. At least for a very, very long time.

* * *

**AN:** Woo! Harry Potter Fanfic number two! Happy holidays and whatever religious (if any) celebrations you may practice!


	2. Naive

**Disclaimer:** I would love for Harry Potter to be mine, but unfortunately it is not.

**Forgive and Forget**

**Chapter 2: Naive**

_The stupid neither forgive nor forget; **the naive forgive and forget; **the wise forgive but never forget. - Thomas Szasz_

"Lily, I swear they didn't mean it that way. They were just kidding, fooling around, you know!" Severus pleaded with me, his black eyes wide and desperate. My disbelief to his words was evident in my accusing stare and pursed lips.

I was normally pretty thick skinned. I'd put up with Petunia for my whole life, after all. I'd endured Sirius and James for years. I'd even ignored the previous insults the Slytherins had thrown at me throughout my school career. I'd always had the ability to laugh things off. Or, especially in James' case, get angry to fend things off.

But this was different. While Severus' friends had never been nice to me in any sense of the word, they had never been so cruel as this and... well, I had never actually feared them.

I was walking back from the library after a night full of studying and finishing up the next few days worth of essays. I was tired, and completely relying on my instincts and muscle memory to get me back to my dormitory in Gryffindor Tower. Luckily enough, I'd done such a walk too many times to count, and my direction was true.

A faint sound abruptly broke me from my stupor, halfway back to my lovely bed. I stopped in the middle of a torchlit corridor, tensed, as the firelight flickered over my features. I remembered the Muggle horror movies I had occasionally seen during summer vacation. I was in the perfect location for some kind of axe murder to chop me to pieces (since ghosts and all those things were completely explainable to me now, it had to be something terrifying, right?).

I relaxed slightly, reminding myself that I was a semi-trained witch, and that no axe murder could get into the castle. Unless one of the suits of armor had gone rogue, I was perfectly fine. Besides, the castle had lots of inhabitants - students, teachers, pets, and probably more than I could even know. I was fine. Totally fine.

I continued my journey nervously, jumping at every shadow. It was more than slightly ridiculous because as previously stated, I was walking down a corridor that was lit by fire - which meant flickering, faint light, and _lots_ of shadows. I gripped my wand firmly and pushed myself forward, trying to not start at nothing.

I had just labored up one of the final staircases when the candles lighting my path went out. I halted, unable to see in the complete darkness, and held my breath. I was majorly creeped out.

"Lumos!" I lit my wand, and held it in front of me, trying not to shake. I saw no one. Walking forwards slowly, I begged Merlin that nothing was going to jump out at me, and that I would make it safe back to my bed and laugh at my idiocy the next morning. The realization that this could very well be James and Sirius playing a prank on me suddenly implanted into my mind. This immediately sent me into a fury, as so often happened with the pair of them.

"BLACK! POTTER! This is NOT funny! I'm going to KILL you when I find you. I am a PREFECT! We are in fifth year now, can you not GROW UP?" I screeched, brandishing my wand threateningly, as sparks shot out of it. If I could have known where to aim, I would have shot various hexes at the pair. Stupid Marauders. Remus and Peter better not be involved, though knowing them, Peter was chuckling silently in a corner, watching, and Remus was still up in the common room, reading his book.

A cruel laugh shattered the silence; the only response to my outburst, and it chilled me to the bone. It was not the laugh of Sirius or James or even Peter or Remus. Far from it, in fact. This laugh was female, high, and utterly terrifying. I wished suddenly that it had been the two miscreant House-mates of mine. At least their damage would be purely to my embarrassment levels and not to my emotional or physical state.

"Aw, the filthy bitch thinks it's those two arrogant bastards from Gryffindor." The owner of the cruel laugh spoke, and I knew then that it had belonged to Evan Rosier, a fellow Slytherin and friend of Severus'.

I sucked in my breath, trying to keep the fear at bay. I raised my wand, concentrating very hard at keeping my arm steady, and pointed it in the direction I thought the voice had come from.

"Back off." I hissed, sounding much more ferocious than I felt.

"Petrificus Totalus!" Another voice, male once again, shouted, and I was immobilized. My heart thudded loudly as I toppled over. I was trapped - I could not help myself now. I suddenly wished that Sirius and James were here with me, and that was something that had never occurred before.

They proceeded to call me every bad name in the book. Every insult anybody had ever come up with and then some. They used filthy language, and filthy names. All aimed at me, or the people I surrounded myself with. Or where I came from - Muggles. They did not harm a single hair on my head. In fact I never even saw them. I just heard their voices, echoing in the darkened corridor. There were at least four of them, calling out in turn, though sometimes they shouted all at once. They went from angry to laughing back to angry again. It was some sort of horrible game or something to them.

Once I had determined they were not going to hurt me, my anger had built. I had never been so provoked - and that was saying something considering I had spent years dealing with some infuriating people.

I felt humiliated, angry, hurt, and also a little bewildered. It was one thing to get emotional over a lost Quiddich match but this? How could humans do such terrible things to each other? I was so focussed on that aspect of my predicament that I honestly managed to tune them out. As a survival technique it worked pretty well.

After an hour, they let me go. The group (of Slytherins, I was fairly certain) had decided they'd 'had their fun'. I was not released until they were quite well away. I was certain this was not by accident. Good. They_ should_ fear me.

With a sinking feeling though, I realized I couldn't even tell on them. Any teacher would believe me, yes, as I was Lily Evans after all, but I had no solid proof. No witnesses. I hadn't even seen them. It could have been one person and just used magic to alter and throw their voices. Not that I believed that, but even if I told a teacher, I'd probably be forced to 'get help' and none of them would be punished. It would accomplish nothing.

Truthfully though, I was too proud to get help.

So I went to Severus. Because if I couldn't rant to anyone else, he would at least get an earful.

So here I was, staring at him. Wondering if he could honestly have the gall to tell me his friends meant nothing that they had said.

In the past I had constantly dismissed the Slytherin group Severus hung around with's blatant disregard for the rules, safety, and even the feelings of others. Actually, the entire first three years of Hogwarts I had managed to do as such. In fourth year it had become glaringly obvious to everyone else that they were a dark group, and it became more and more difficult for me to forgive or explain away their nastier and nastier behaviour.

Yet I listened to Severus whenever he had excuses for them - it was taken out of context, he'd say. Or he'd claim they didn't mean what they said, or hadn't wanted it to escalate as such - it had simply gotten out of control. They weren't 'dark' according to him.

Severus would insist his friends were no worse than the Marauders, with their teasing and bullying of him as well as other Slytherins. I would stay silent, feeling that it was slightly different, and knowing (mostly because of Remus) that they would never fall into the Dark Arts. Severus would add that the Marauders hurt _him_, and one person was enough. I continued to keep quiet, increasingly reluctantly accepting his excuses.

This night I could not, however. It was the final straw. It was not teasing gone a little too far. It was even more than bullying. It was truly scary. As dark as the magic his group had been rumored to be dabbling in.

I had been terrified, trapped, and targeted. They had called me horrendous things for nearly an hour. The only reason they hadn't physically hurt me, I was sure, is that they did not want to get caught. They knew I wouldn't run to a teacher for name-calling, but physical harm I would have had no choice.

"Severus. I can't forgive them anymore. Not after tonight. They are pure evil." I spit out, finally interrupting our staring contest. I looked away, trying to keep any emotion from taking over my face.

"They probably didn't realize it was you, they were probably after James after his prank -"

"No Severus! Can't you see? They knew it was me. They didn't care! What they said..." I choked out, suddenly blinking furiously to avoid tears. Damn it.

"Lily," Severus stated softly, putting a hand on my arm, "I'm so sorry. I promise I'll talk to them, I swear it. Nothing like this will ever happen again."

I glanced up at him, my eyes watering. He looked so believable. But I couldn't trust his words. Not this time.

Oh, I was sure he'd talk to them. But he couldn't alter their behaviour or opinions. In fact, Severus' friends were changing him.

I shook my head, and an even more desperate gleam came into the boy beside me.

"Please, Lily! I swear they're not..." He trailed off from his begging as he saw a hard look come into my eyes.

"No, Severus." I said, suddenly calm. It was eerie. "I could excuse their behaviour in first, second, and even third year. In fourth year I simply did so because I didn't want to believe that they were bad. That _your_ friends could be so terrible. But now I can't pretend any longer. They are _despicable_." I hissed the last few words out, eyes narrowing in distaste. I wrenched myself from his arm, and turned around.

Severus hung his head, and dropped his hand that I had left dangling in the air. I could feel his devastation, but also his acceptance. He knew he couldn't change my mind. He asked too much of me. Worse, he knew I was right.

"I cannot understand how you hang around with such people. I really can't." I continued, turning my head around to watch him flinch with my words. My arms were crossed, stance aggressive.

"You're not making me choose between you, are you?" Severus inquired, sounding lost. I eyed him sharply, staying quiet as I thought.

Was I? I didn't know. I didn't want anything to do with those people. I had always gotten negative feedback from being friends with a Slytherin, particularly during Quiddich season. But now it was worse. It was downright... Incomprehensible. Nobody understood how I could be friends with anyone associated with that dark group. I didn't know how I could be, except for that Severus maintained he never participated in any of the 'activities' his friends did.

"No." I told Severus, quietly. "No. I know you won't leave them. For whatever indecipherable reason. But Severus..." I stopped, and breathed in, once again trying not to cry.

"Yes?" He asked, looking up at me, seeming a little more hopeful. I shut my eyes. I didn't want to crush him.

"I'm not going to ask you to choose." I repeated, still with my eyes closed, "But I can't... I can't abide being connected with people like that in any form. If you stay close to them, or involved with them... You're going to lose me. Not right now, maybe. But eventually, you will."

I heard Severus' gasp, and unable to stop myself, I opened my eyes.

"How can you say that Lily?" Severus demanded, actually sounding angry. Panic was dancing in his eyes, as his fists clenched his robes.

"How can I say that?" I shrieked, my hair flying as I tossed my head and snorted indignantly. "Severus, your 'friends' just spent an hour terrifying me and calling me awful names. Worse than anything I've ever been called put together."

"They're just names..." He replied uncomfortably, seeming to lose his anger. He did not look at me.

I was so angry I stormed away, ignoring his pleas for me to stop.

* * *

After that terrifying incident with the Slytherins, I was extremely nervous about being alone, especially if I had to go anywhere. I always dragged along at least one of my girlfriends or Remus or Severus when I went to the library. I also threw myself into learning more Defense Against the Dark Arts. I did hours of extra reading. I figured even if they didn't ever attack me again, it was good preparation for an Auror career, if I so chose that path.

I forgave Severus for his dismissal of my suffering and continued to trust him, though I made it clear I did not want to hear any mention of his friends - and that I abhorred them. I walked away any time he attempted to talk to me about them. I truly believed he never partook in any rule-breaking or bullying, except for being a recipient of Marauder-inflicted pranks and hexes, of course. I listened to his railings against my four fellow Gryffindors, often adding in stories of my own, adding to my growing list of grievances against them.

When he was finally caught with the other Slytherins participating in activities that should never occur ever, let alone a school environment, I forgave him. I reasoned he had just gotten caught up, or was just an observer. It was his first time, I was certain. I even defended him to my friends who asked about that incident. I truly thought he was a good apple caught in a barrel of bad apples. It wasn't his fault. It never was.

As fifth year went on, I even forgave his injustices against myself. He would avoid me in 'public', only seeking me out in private, or in the library where his friends wouldn't see him. He sometimes teased me when we did cross paths during classes, leaving me feeling confused. He insisted he was just kidding. I laughed in return, and would dismiss my slightly injured feelings. I would even rebuke James for defending me and of course for his bullying Severus.

In my eyes, it was like Severus could do no wrong - or he was never involved in the wrong. I ignored everyone else's opinions on the matter, and forgave and forgot all of Severus' bad qualities and actions.

I always forgave him. Always.

There were times I questioned his actions, but once I had confronted him and brought my concerns up, he would reassure me and my thoughts would be dismissed. I continually listened to and believed his explanations. I rejected the idea that he could make mistakes, while I held everyone else to much higher standards. I don't know why he was the only exception, but he was.

It was funny that I would forgive my childhood Slytherin friend's descent into the dark arts, yet I could not tolerate the Marauder's misdeeds and pranks. I refused to see the evidence that was presented to me about Severus. Actually, that's not the truth. I did see it, but I refused to believe it. Maybe it was because I didn't want to believe that I had befriended such a person. Or maybe I just didn't want to admit I was wrong. Or maybe I knew he wasn't that person, he was just mixed up.

Either way, I was a horribly naive little girl.

* * *

**AN:** Chapter two baby. This one took me so long to write (you can't tell because I wrote this story all at once). I re-wrote it about five times in three completely different styles. I finally managed this one, which I like better, because before it was just all explanation, whereas here the explanation is spread out in an event. I hope you enjoyed! =)


	3. Wise

**Disclaimer:** Anything you recognize is not mine.

**Forgive and Forget**

**Chapter 3: Wise**

_The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget;** the wise forgive but never forget.** - Thomas Szasz_

The pattern of incidence and forgiveness continued with Severus until the day he himself called me the unforgivable word: mudblood. It was the worst insult known in the magical world. Not only was it meant to imply the receiver of said insult was lesser, unworthy, filthy, and degenerate; it also encompassed a much more sinister meaning, one that implied Muggles themselves were lesser than those with magic.

As I recovered from my immediate shock and hurt after Severus had let slip the despicable word, I was hit with a sudden realization. Severus was gone. He was no longer the boy I had known, at least. I recalled that while he had never directly insulted me before this moment, his avoidance and mean-spirited teasing in public had been increasing throughout our school years. Apparently his transfer over to the 'other side' had been cemented, finally proven to me at this moment.

These thoughts combined with my upset feelings, and the only response I could muster was anger. It was a self-defense mechanism, really, as I just wanted to cry. I'd never felt so betrayed in my life. Who had Severus become?

Of course James would rush to my defense, completely making the situation worse. He was just as responsible for this incident as Severus was - maybe even more so, in my eyes. If James and his fellow Marauders hadn't tortured him so often, Severus would have never been pushed to the dark side of magic; he would have never called me such a terrible name. This was reasonable to me in the heat of the moment. Clearly, at that point, I was unable to admit to myself that this progression into evil was entirely Severus' fault. I still continued to make excuses for him, rationalize his behaviour.

Even still, I was infuriated. I turned on both Severus and James, snapping at them violently in turn before I stormed off. They both sickened me.

I ran straight to my dormitory, where I mumbled the password to the entrance portrait, hastily climbed through, and continued to my bed. I threw myself upon it, devastated. I couldn't get Severus' cruel tone out of my head. Our friendship had been strained because of my dislike for his friends, and my association with Remus, but not for a second would I have thought it had degraded into animosity.

I basically felt like I had been lying in bed, all comfortable and warm, and someone had ripped off my nice comforter and exposed me to sub-zero temperatures, while simultaneously pulling my bed out from underneath me and making me land on cold hard rock. It was shocking, and it _physically_ hurt.

I cried for a few minutes, letting my misery consume me. I started to think about the last few years, and concluded that I had been a naive, stupid girl. I had been so wrapped up in maintaining a friendship that I had failed to notice and take action against a darkening and worsening relationship. I had forgiven Severus for so much. I was so desperate to hold onto my longest-lasting friend. I wanted him to be the boy I had once known, at nine years old. I wanted him to be good.

This initiated another round of tears. It was so unfair. I knew that Severus was not this horrible, cruel person he was pretending to be. I knew it. But something had caused him to have such a twisted image of himself and of the world to enable him to say these unspeakable things. To believe them. Something more than the Marauders bullying him, which was tough to admit.

I sat for hours, therefore missing the rest of my afternoon classes. It was the first time I had ever voluntarily skipped Charms. (I had skipped History of Magic once... come on, it's a dreadful class!) I knew my friends would be concerned, but I couldn't bring myself to go, still red-eyed, and explain. Or, worse, pretend it was all perfectly fine. I just wasn't ready yet.

While I sat, curled up in my bed, I thought long and hard about Severus and my relationship. I was critical on myself and, for once, him. I had let him get away with so much, it was unthinkable. I should've put my foot down sooner.

As I continued examining my thoughts, I realized I felt bad for Severus, even after what he called me. There was a part of me that wanted us to be friends still. Coupled with my belief that he was truly a good person, somewhere, I began to forgive him for his horrid, cruel insult. I forgave him, but I could not forget it.

I ultimately decided I could not remain friends with him any longer. To do so would be agreeing with his opinion of Muggles and 'Mudbloods' - that we were lesser, that it was okay to be insulted. But it wasn't. So I could not ever be Severus' friend again. I could not agree with him. I was not lesser - we and all wizards and Muggles are equal. There is no hierarchy.

My thoughts changed to the group of four boys, the Marauders, my fellow Gryffindors. I felt a little ashamed for my behaviour towards them. Remus, I was somewhat friends with, of course, being my fellow prefect and having lots in common, we could not help but get along. Our friendship had always been strained because of our other associations, however (mine with Severus and his with his fellow Marauders).

Peter I had never had a specific problem with, as he mostly seemed to tag along and provide the 'background' detail on their pranks. I felt a little bad for him too, because next to Black and Potter, especially, he faded into the aforementioned background a lot, especially with girls. Not that he didn't have a fan club (he was a Marauder after all, and they were inexplicably popular), but it was much smaller.

Sirius Black was a name I could not even think without adding a disgusted tone to it. He was a ladies man, a jokester, and as immature as they came. He never paid attention in class, let alone took notes. How he passed I still hadn't figured out.

But he was the first Black that was a Gryffindor in... well apparently a very long time, according to the rumours that had circulated back in first year. He had never been mean to me. Only the Slytherins really. He was most likely the inspiration for many of the Marauder's misdeeds, at least from my eyes.

Then there was James Potter, bane of my existence. He was somehow only second to me in nearly all (if not all) of his classes. He may have even had me beat in Transfiguration. He was an excellent Quiddich player, and a shoe-in for the team captain for next year. He was the unofficial leader of his little group, and he enjoyed leading them in the hexing of Slytherins (which inevitably led him and Black to get hexed as well). He had asked me out so many times I had honestly lost count, and it seemed to him any answer I gave him meant 'maybe in the future if you ask me enough'.

I wondered why he was so against the Slytherins. While he seemed to take Quiddich seriously (probably the only thing that he actually ever thought about, besides how to disrupt things like peace and quiet), it seemed to be so much more than just a Quiddich vendetta or the traditional animosity between Slytherin and Gryffindor.

A thought entered my mind. Perhaps, just perhaps, he had one redeeming factor: he detested dark magic. Slytherin was the only House that had dark wizards among its members. That was the only reason I could think of, other than the fact he was just a horrible person (something that may well be true). I liked to think the best of people (obviously, as evidenced from my relationship with Severus), but it was hard to think it was the former and not the latter reason.

Nonetheless, I had been terribly hypocritical in my treatment of the Marauders (excluding Remus, to an extent). I had forgiven every mistake and bad quality from Severus, but held every little incident or perceived injustice against the four boys. It wasn't exactly fair.

I kind of felt guilty about that. I liked being a just, good person. That was why I had to end my friendship with Severus, after all. Morals.

I vowed that I would try to give the Marauders another chance - a clean slate, if you will. It did not mean friendship. It did not even mean acquaintanceship. I would have to emphasis that, especially to James. But I would also have to explain why this sudden change of heart occurred. I guess I could sum it up in one word: Severus. Well, to them I should probably call him Snape because I honestly doubted they knew his true first name.

I was determined to stop being so stupid and naive. It was time to be wise. Time to grow up.

I needed to find Severus to tell him that I forgave him, but I could no longer be his friend. I would not let myself. I would also let him know that if he ever changed his mind about the position of Muggles in the world, he knew where to find me. I would be emotionless as I told him this. I would be factual, detached. I would listen with deaf ears to his explanations, reasons, excuses, and anything else he may throw at me. He had had his chance to change, and he had not taken it. He apparently did not want to change for me, and I could not do so for him.

Then, I would find the Marauders, and apologize. That would be difficult. I'd have to swallow a lot of pride. I hoped I'd counterbalance this admittance with the fierce establishment of rules that were to be followed if I was to attempt to give them another chance. Like James couldn't ask me out. Not that that would stop him. Wait, clean slate. Right. It was going to be much harder than I thought.

Thinking of James and Sirius still filled me with distaste, but I did feel I owed it to them. I hated that feeling. It was mostly for defending me in front of Severus and the other Slytherins. Also, a little of it was for having to deal with me, my irritableness and unfortunate habit of taking out my frustrations on them.

After my chat with them, I would hold my head high. I would try to be civil to the Marauders (well, I was always civil to Remus and Peter but...). I would not glance at Severus during breakfast. I would sincerely try very hard to no longer instantly leap to the worst conclusions concerning the Marauders. I would be friendly to everyone, and brush the events of today off. I would laugh at jokes told, I would ravenously eat my dinner (really, I was starving, locking myself in my dormitory without food was not a good idea), and I would be normal.

I smiled to myself, slightly, stood from my bed, smoothed out my uniform, and went downstairs to begin my dreaded tasks.

My talk with Severus did not go well.

I had caught him exiting the Great Hall after dinner. He was with his friends, but I haughtily ignored them as I marched up.

"I need to speak with you." My tone was harsh, cold, and very un-Lily-like. It sounded so foreign to me. I forced my gaze to his own, and stayed still, my posture tense and authoritative.

Severus did not meet my eyes. He glanced around at his friends, who were either staring disgustedly at the pair of us, or laughing and teasing Severus for still being openly friendly with someone like me. I ignored them.

"Snape?" I asked, archly, with a tone that made it appear I thought he was slow or something. He finally raised his dark eyes to meet mine, and it nearly made me take a step back. He looked so angry.

"Yes. Fine." He finally replied, shortly. He strode away from his friends abruptly, leaving me in their hostile midst. I hurried after him, losing my stony exterior for a moment in my haste.

We found an empty classroom on the next floor. He entered first, and instantly turned around to face me. He still looked angry, and he was glaring at me. My apprehension grew.

"So." I said, not knowing how to start. How do you break up a friendship (even more than you already did in the heat of the moment) while still saying the other person is forgiven? This conundrum caused me to sigh, quite loudly.

"What do you want Evans? To yell at me some more? You made it quite clear how you felt this afternoon." Severus broke the silence, and ignited me into anger.

"I made it clear? You -" I stopped myself with great effort, and took a painfully deep breath. I immediately sneezed. There was may too much dust in this room. I almost expected Severus to crack a smile, but he did not.

"Look, Severus, I wanted to talk to you because I felt our friendship should not end on such a note."

He looked at me, slightly interestedly, his detachment slightly leaving his face. He said nothing, so I went on.

"What you called me... at first, I thought it was unforiveable. I really did. I had never felt so betrayed as I did after you uttered that horrible word." I paused, waiting for an apology, but again he stayed silent.

"But when I thought about it Severus, it wasn't the word that particularly upset me. It was a little bit because it was you who said it, but really... It was because it broke my illusion of who you are. Or were. It made me face some tough realizations that I've been putting off for years."

Severus opened his mouth for a second, and I halted my speech, feeling slightly impressed with myself, despite the bleakness of the situation. I had worded that decently. When Severus apparently decided he actually didn't have anything to add yet, I continued.

"I forgive you, Severus." I looked him straight in the eye when I said this, for sincerity. "I forgive you for calling me a mudblood. But I can't ignore who you've become. It's time for us to part ways. I can't be friends with someone like you."

"Someone like me?" He exploded, before my last word was even entirely out of my mouth. I took a step back, so vehement was his outburst.

"Someone like me." He repeated, quieter this time. It angered me that he could stand there and listen to me end our friendship without a word, but Merlin forbid I say something insulting about him.

"Someone who is involved with dark magic and believes in the nonsense Voldemort is spreading." I fired back, crossing my arms and glaring at the black haired and black eyed boy across from me.

Severus could not respond to that. He gave me one long look, then filed past me out the door. He paused in the doorframe, and turned back to face me.

"Fine, Lily. Have it your way. Don't associate with someone like me." He sounded for a minute like he wanted to say more, but he did not. He was gone.

I was shocked. I had braced myself for a fight. I thought he wanted to be my friend. I thought he cared about me. I expected denial, explanations, and even begging.

But there was nothing. No resistance at all.

Was it because he wanted this? Was that why he had treated me so badly? He wanted to end the friendship but was too cowardly to face me on my own? Or had he simply given me what I wanted? An 'easy' way out, I guess. I didn't know. Right now, I didn't care. I held onto my anger a little longer, to give me fuel to get through my talk with the Maruaders.

I exited the classroom, closing the door behind me with a soft click, and with it attempting to close in the last memories of my friendship with Severus.

I walked slowly up to the Gryffindor common room, my stomach growling slightly. I had missed lunch and dinner, after all.

I murmured the password to the Fat Lady, and entered. I spotted the Marauders right away, as they were not hard to miss. They were in their usual spot in front of one of the fires, the center of attention, of course.

I ambled over to them, uncertainly. They all looked up as I approached, and I couldn't help but blush.

"Hi Lily," Remus smiled welcomingly, if a little confusedly at me. "We aren't being too loud, are we?"

"Come on Remus, she's clearly here to profess her love for Prongs here." Sirius Black smirked at me charmingly, and I fought back my annoyance. I glanced at James Potter, who was frowning at Black, but turned to me instantly, as if he felt my eyes on him.

"Is that why you're here?" Peter asked, as James opened his mouth to evidently ask the same thing, for he clamped his mouth shut and raised his eyebrows at me, expecting an answer.

I rolled my eyes and scoffed, embarrassment forgotten in my disdain.

"Oh, you wish Potter."

"Oh, I do." The apparent 'object-of-my-affections' replied wryly, his mouth in half a smirk. I rolled my eyes agin.

"Anyways... I'm here because I-I... Uh..." I stammered, and started blushing once again. Damn it!

Black laughed at me, and sat back on the couch, crossing his arms.

"We're waiting." He said, and proceeded to stare at me intently. I wanted very badly to throw something at him.

"Sirius." Remus admonished, and then turned to me. "What is it Lily?"

"I'msorryandstopbeingsoannoying." I burst out, very quickly and probably incomprehensibly. The four boys stared at me.

"What was that?" Peter asked, looking from me to Remus in turn. He, as well as James and Sirius looked just as flabbergasted as Peter, however.

Blushing even more profusely, I forced the pride that threatened to choke off my words down, channeled that Gryffindor courage, slowed my speech down and attempted to better explain myself. I told them that I had come to the conclusion that I owed them a fresh start, since I felt I had treated them unfairly. It was hypocritical of me to have treated Severus Snape so well when he was just as bad if not worse as they were in his actions. I had swallowed his lies and over-exaggerations of them, and had allowed it to shape my opinion of them as well. I emphasized that my treatment of them had been usually just, but as I had dismissed Snape's friendships for his actions, I felt I needed a new approach with them as well.

"This does not mean we're friends, by any stretch of the imagination. Well, except Remus and oc course. It just means I'm giving you guys another chance. So maybe try not to mess it up?" I finally finished. They continued to stare at me almost blankly, despite my increased coherence and explanation this time around.

"What, are you that slow I need to explain it again?" I snapped, feeling humiliated. I immediately felt stupid - clean slate, right.

"No, no." Remus hastened to explain. "It's just... this is..."

"Unexpected." James put in, looking at me in wonder. I felt the need to remind him this 'arrangement' did not equal friendship or relationship in any form.

"This does not mean I'll go out with you Potter." I responded, gritting my teeth. He grinned at me.

"Yet." He paused then seemed to struggle with himself for a second. "But we always told you that Snape was a pile of..."

A look from Remus silenced him, thankfully. I tried to ignore the sick feeling that threatened to engulf me when he said Severus' name. I rolled my eyes and forced a smile - one that turned genuine when Sirius leaped up and hugged me. It was quite unexpected. He let me go immediately, and beamed at me.

"Good to have you on board Lily Evans." He solemnly stated, and then he beamed at me. Peter too, looked pleased, and he shook my hand for some reason. Remus was grinning widest of all (even James, which is saying something).

"Okay, so are we gonna take bets on how long this is going to last?" I only half-joked. I listened to them chatter and start up a conversation with me. I couldn't keep from rolling my eyes, and excused myself quickly, simply because my head was swimming and my stomach grumbling. I needed time to think about today and to raid my stash of food for a snack.

Years later, I would mark that day as a true indicator of my growing maturity. I had dealt with the situation as best as I saw fit, and stuck to my morals. I was proud of my fifteen-year old self.

My unexpected gift of a clean slate to the Marauders would slowly blossom into something quite extraordinary. It took the rest of fifth year and part of sixth year, but with only a handful of setbacks, I eventually became actual friends with Sirius, James, and Peter. It immediately benefitted my relationship with Remus, however. He was much more at ease with me. I guess he had previously felt awkward with my obvious dislike for his friends. I felt slightly guilty about that, and apologized for it. Remus, being the gentleman he was, dismissed my apology as nonsense, but told me he would forgive me, though no offense had occurred.

I would later learn that the Marauder arrogance had developed into true confidence, and that they all had their problems and insecurities. They were simply masters at hiding them or distracting themselves from them. I learned how caring and loyal they were, standing by Remus in his plight of being a werewolf. I had been shocked, when they first told me, nervous and tentative. I gave Remus a hug after he had told me, and said he was the bravest man I had ever known. I think they approved of my reaction.

Then of course, I finally agreed to go out with James in seventh year. He had changed the whole 'asking me out' think into more of a rare joke after we were tentatively friends in fifth year, and stopped it almost completely by the end of sixth year. And during seventh year, I was desperately hoping he would ask me again, but this time so I could say yes.

After I started dating James, I learned just how loyal these four boys were. Not only did they stand by Remus, they had become illegal Animagi to aid him during his transformation. I was awed and touched (and a little disgruntled) at their abandonment of conventions and rules and the placement of themselves in such danger just to help their friend. I was mightily impressed by their Animagi ability, knowing that it took great skill and effort to accomplish - much less accomplishing it under the noses of the entire Hogwarts staff, Ministry of Magic, and basically the whole magical world. I was astonished at exactly how much I had misjudged about them in my previous years. Truly, there were few people who could claim to be as loyal and (despite the frequent silliness) as intelligent as those four proved to be. As I learned of their absolute abhorrence of the Dark Arts, I began to truly wonder if I had been wrong all those years.

Then I shook my head and decided definitely not, on the whole. They had matured a lot, after all. War will do that to you.

My loss of friendship with Severus was replaced with one with the Marauders, and even more than that with James. But most importantly, I also found myself. I was no longer torn between good and bad, Gryffindor and Slytherin as it came to be. I stopped (well mostly) being a hypocrite. I stopped judging. I finally forgave the Marauders (though I never forgot what they were capable of, and always kept an eye on them). I felt free.

Sometimes, a twinge of regret would spring up if I would happen to see Severus without his friends, or when he ignored me from the Slytherin table or his work station next to me in Potions. Sometimes I would miss him, or feel the urge to go talk to him again, to get his opinion on something... But I couldn't help but admit that on the whole, life was easier without him in my life. Not necessarily better (though later on I couldn't help myself but think that it had turned out better), just easier. I had learnt my lesson about forgiveness, and grew up in the process. I was no longer the naive little child, but a woman ready to take her first steps into the world and its increasing darkness.

* * *

**AN:** I'm actually proud of this. I've never edited and re-written a fan fiction so much. Seriously. I've been working on this for weeks, almost every day. I also ended up writing a ten page tangent about the two times Severus spoke to Lily after they ceased their friendship. I ended up taking it out because it didn't really have anything to do with the story. HOWEVER, it will be a new story! haha. I hope you enjoyed, and I (this is the first time I've ever typed this) would love it if you would review. I usually hate asking for them but... I did. I just love getting them so much. It seriously makes my day.


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